Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize