We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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