I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
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There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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