I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
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Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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