oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
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I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
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It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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