We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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