Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Umm I'm too high to move.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize