her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
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He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
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She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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