Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
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i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
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The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
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