i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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