How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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