Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
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There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
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I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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