if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize