But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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