So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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