I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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