I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
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curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
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I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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