i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize