Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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