I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
