Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
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