i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize