Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize