I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
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i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
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I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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