Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words...techno handjob
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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