i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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