i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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