I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
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Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
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Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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