you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize