im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
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Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
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All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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