uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
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She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
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How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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