i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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