ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize