i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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