Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You are a genius and a whore.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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