If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the day after is always just damage control
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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