enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize