Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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