I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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