and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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