new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
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but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
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I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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