That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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