Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
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Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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