my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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