So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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