My liver just broke up with me...
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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