I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize