apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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