Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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