she was so not down for the gang bang
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
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Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The air taste purple.
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