if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
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I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
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DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
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