I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
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Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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